Novel and photo by Anne Hart.
On another note, you may wish to see my paperback novel, How to Start Engaging Conversations on Women's, Men's, or Family Studies with Wealthy Strangers: A Thriller, by Anne Hart. Published March 29, 2007.
Have you ever asked these questions about choices on the topic of relationships?
1. You get a phone call from a blind date. You plan to go out for fun on a Saturday night. You would
a. actively go ethnic folk dancing, line dancing, or square dancing in a wholesome, crowded coffee
b. play video games alone while your date watches, or have you and your date order take-out food
and sit in your living room playing games only two people can play. You take the phone off the hook
and don't answer any doorbells from solicitors. You dislike when people disturb you and your date.
2. Computers are your hobby. At work you have time to show your hobby to your future mate during your two-hour lunch break in your flexible-time job. You choose to:
a. Play computer virtual reality martial arts video games as a sport purely for entertainment.
b. Design programs for forecasting the weather daily for 100 years into the future.
3. You would enjoy a soulmate who requires that you:
a. select from many details in planning your wedding and point out which details need improvement in shape or color, and keep accurate records of facts.
b. You would enjoy planning a wedding which entails making farfetched decisions about theories which examine the possibilities of ideas about that affects people's attitudes about marriage.
4. You have a date with two possible future mates. Which mate would you choose as your very own soulmate and possible marriage partner according to whether her interests more exactly matches
a. The mate (male or female) whose job is to analyze stocks and stock market trends and apply artificial intelligence strategies to forecast upturn or downturn and who also analyzes computer systems using impersonal, objective logic all day.
b. The mate more interested in what makes people tick who works as a director of human resource development. That mate uses a gifted understanding of people to head the personnel department or research training and human relations in the corporation. That mate's main duty is to place the right people in the best jobs. In each case, both mates bring work home from the office a lot and each day discuss their jobs as part of the relationship.
5. You work with someone you'd like to date, someone who you'd hope to marry, if things worked out right. At work, you're told to fire your blind date for taking too long to come back after maternity/paternity leave.
a. You terminate the person as ordered, telling the employee that the company cannot afford the loss of productivity and profit directly attributed to the individual's absence, but it's only fair that you two can go on dating and deepening your relationship as that person would make you a good future spouse.
b. You refuse to terminate the person as ordered. Out of empathy you advise the employee to sue the company for family leave discrimination and side with the person because of circumstances.
You ask that person out on a date and tell him or her of your romantic intentions and hopes that a meaningful and deep relationship leading to marriage could be a possibility.
6. When asked to shop on your lunch hour for your boss, you:
a. Visit many different stores all day looking for exactly the right product at the best price and quality.
b. Impulsively buy the first overpriced item you see that fills your boss's requirements so you can take the rest of the afternoon off to play and have fun. You tell your boss you had to spend the time hunting down exactly the right thing at the right price to save money.
7. You paid a nonrefundable $200 last month to reserve a ticket to attend a career-related convention five months from the present in Las Vegas. Today you found out there's a singles only (your preferred age group) UFO abductee's convention on the same day in Egypt which you'd rather
attend because it's more exciting. You are:
a. comfortable sticking to your original plans to attend the Las Vegas career networking convention because it doesn't require change.
b. feel deprived of an open-ended exciting experience, and wish you could afford to lose the $200 and take off for Egypt at a moment's notice instead.
8. To give yourself more visibility among singles you'd like to meet:
a. you'd take a paid weekend job hosting a two-hour radio talk show, answering questions on the air about computers or software in your specialty.
b. To give yourself more visibility among peers, you'd take a two-hour weekend job writing a singles column for newspaper about your own interests, reading, reflections, or research.
9. You would take an assignment in order to have:
a. job security and a high salary to spend any way you please.
b. the chance to have your work made into a film and plenty of worldwide recognition at conventions, but only a $1,500 pittance for your work.
10. You'd rather take a mate whose interests match your:
a. realistic attitude and practical skills in keeping records.
b. your imagination to create movies that sell escape.
11. You wished you would have majored in a subject at college that:
a. allowed you to decide logically, and objectively in order to analyze strategies, map out models, or keep records to solve problems about production and profit at work.
b. Gave you the warm fuzzies from understanding what people value most about their careers.
12. On which five specialties would you focus within a college major if you knew you would be offered a great job after graduation:
a. systems analysis, programming, logic, science, and math, or:
b. illustration, professional writing, creativity studies, psychology, and human resource management.
13. Your supervisor gives you an assignment to write an article for the company in-house employee newsletter on 10 homebased businesses you can operate with your personal computer. You would prefer to:
a. Create a plan and outline first, and then follow it exactly to organize the article. Then write the article.
b. Write the article first, from whatever springs into your head at the moment. Then weed out what doesn't belong when it's finished.
14. You're researching an international electronic database for a long list of articles and books on U.F.O. abductions in Russia for an Ivy League university professor of psychiatry. You get a call from a Nobel prize winning astrophysicist asking you to stop your work immediately and tape record what he has to say before he leaves the country.
You prefer to:
a. finish your research for your psychiatrist-employer and tell the astrophysicist you'll write to him later. It's annoying to have to stop in the middle of a project and switch to a new task.
b. You drop what you're doing and look forward to the surprise, change in routine, and excitement of taping the astrophysicist's startling statistics on a different subject.
15. You meet many possible mates at a series of parties who ask whether you're married, what you majored in, what's your hobby, what do you do for fun, and how old are you because they want to know you better. All of them could be Mr. or Ms. Right Personality Type, a possible future spouse for you. You tell the strangers:
a. everything you can think of about yourself. You reveal all that interests you. You ask all the strangers to lunch and want to know all the details of their lives.
b. you're a private person and don't want to reveal personal information, but you'll gladly ask the strangers questions about anything related to their interests.
16. You want a high-paying, prestigious job or business of your own that uses all you have to offer and that you'll be able to keep until:
a. you retire in 40 years with major benefits such as health insurance, a paid-off home mortgage, and a livable pension.
b. a better job offers you an opportunity to use your wild imagination yearning for adventure, change, intellectual achievement and/or creative expression, and the next future possibility.
17. On Thursdays, your workplace lets all employees out at four to attend personal enrichment classes. You have a choice of two workshops. Which one would you attend?
a. How to repair your home appliances or computer.
b. How to write novels about the future of employment.
18. You are asked to evaluate an employee. You would first consider
a. The employee's productivity and profit to the firm.
b. The employee's warmth, friendship, and personal service toward the customer.
19. You have a choice of working for two supervisors. Would you prefer
a. The boss who talks to you STRAIGHT about dating his adult child, but uses harsh words and sarcasm to make you improve your image but not your income while keeping you from getting personal or asking questions about his adult child or a raise.
b. The GENTLE boss who tells polite lies to protect you from knowing why your work was rejected, then asks the top honcho to reprimand you for errors. Finally, the boss approves of your dating interest in his grown child, but tells the honcho behind your back that you're a social climber trying to worm your way into the family.
20. Your job finishes at 5:00 p.m., but your departing manager says you can leave early if you want or hang around and start tomorrow's work. You won't be paid extra or less either way. No one's left in the office to see you working. You
a. start tomorrow's work and leave exactly at five, according to your usual daily schedule. You'll know exactly which place to start again in the morning with no confusion.
b. Drop everything in midstream, take off, and head for that new movie you're eager to see. Leave tomorrow's work for tomorrow, and have fun when you can grab it.
21. You work in a field you simply love with many singles in your age group around making life exciting. Your work is always
a. completed and well-organized long before the deadline.
b. finished exactly at deadline or just after. You enjoyed the exhilaration of rushing to complete it on time.
22. You're asked to train a group of visiting students in your field or specialty. There's someone in the group who you'd like to date and could possibly marry if all works out.
YOU'RE TRAINING EMPLOYEES THAT PSYCHOLOGICAL TYPE IS USED TO OPEN DOORS WITH PEOPLE, NOT TO CLOSE THEM OFF IN LABELED BOXES. You're more comfortable:
a. giving an ORAL presentation and live hands-on demonstration on opening doors for people to a large group of eligible singles of all ages in your company conference auditorium. You want to make that special other notice you. You love talking face-to-face with large groups of people who share your interests and hope a romance works out of this meeting.
b. distributing the latest written book or newsletter you WROTE to that special person and the other students. You wish they could learn independently in school, at their own place of employment, or at home. You find giving an oral presentation to a group positively exhausting. You'd rather train students by letting them read what you WRITE (books, manuals, articles, or newsletters) as part of a correspondence course. Public speaking makes you sick.
23. In marriage, or within a family unit, you'd be happier as
a. one dependable business-focused logistics mate grounded in the present time and the real world who deals with troubleshooting and repair household appliances and remodeling; or in the sorting and selection of details in doing your spouse's taxes and financial planning.
b. future-looking absent-minded professor who uses neural networks technology from the biotech industry to create new possibilities classifying people as the most compatible mates to create the healthiest, happiest children.
24. You bought an old car or antique lamp at the best price you could find. Three years later you still a. use your car or lamp as is. If it "ain't broke," you don't need to fix it or change it.
b. continue to upgrade your car or lamp to keep up with technology, tastes, or styles. Everything has room for improvement and change.
25. When asked what you think of the concept of time, you're most likely to say that a. Time is impersonal.
b. Time makes you feel guilty if you don't use it to help people.
26. There are two job openings--one for a spy and the other for a journalist. You have all the qualifications for both. You choose to
a. design software to track government legal cases on harrasment in politics and to merge databases with a secretly-modified "back door" to allow intelligence agencies to access foreign computer systems for their own espionage purposes.
b. be a journalist who achieves visibility while investigating healthcare injustices, welfare scandals and law enforcement brutality.
27. You find it easier to
a. follow directions exactly as planned or told to you by others at work. You prefer looking at the other person's plans or schedules and following them as directed. You'd rather do the company's thing.
b. break regulations and do the work your own way.
You find it harder to follow another person's plans to the letter because you can't get into the other guy's head to know what he wants, and there's no way you can please him. When you try to follow others' rules, the work comes out wrong. You'd rather do your own thing.
28. You're better at
a. time management of your home life after work.
b. adapting your workplace job to unexpected changes in your mate's or family's home life schedule.
29.You're an unemployed and homeless typist down on your luck with a nickel in your jeans. An employment agency with a government grant pays for your training in word processing and sends you on two jobs. Both employers want to hire you with equal pay for similar firms near the same location.
Which job would be least stressful?
a. receptionist guiding heavy foot traffic all day in and out of a romance novel publisher's public relations or sales office, answering constantly ringing phones while typing reports and press releases and running errands.
b. back office word processing specialist in a quiet, but successful and long-standing one-person serious mainstream fiction publishing office where the boss usually is out and no one comes in or calls.
You can have total solitude as you type one long mainstream novel after the other.
30.You'd be a mate whose conversations your spouse must listen to all day would more naturally be about topics or people focusing on
a. common sense, present, practical, useful, direct, realistic, actual, down-to earth, factual, specific, and traditional events.
b. futuristic, conceptual, inspirational, motivational, random, possible, intellectual, kooky, imaginative, fantastic, theoretical, ingenius, generalized, non-traditional, and creative events.
31.The toy manufacturing company where you're employed is adding a corporate animation department. You're offered a choice of two jobs. You decide to take the job as a
a. marketing and sales manager of toys.
b. designer and researcher of animated holiday-theme robot cartoon characters, and scriptwriter of commercials.
32.Your lover says you would prefer to do what's
a. fair and truthful than do what will make your lover happy.
b. needed and valued to make your lover "like" you or to accommodate your lover's family and friends.
33.It's more important to you
a. to know you are right and not care whether you are liked.
b. to be liked, and know you are right, but everyone thinks you're wrong.
34.You want a marriage where you can
a. thrive on order and know pretty well what your home life relationships will be like.
b. explore the unknown without being pinned down. You want to keep all home life and relationship options open.
35. You prefer to spend blizzard weather weekends at home a. completing projects and getting them out of the way by the end of each day.
b. turning your homebased projects into play. You believe if your work can't be play, you won't do that particular job.
36. Your lover offers you a a choice of two jobs at the same pay and benefits handling a customer base of Fortune 500 clients. You ask to be placed in the
a. sales department to use your telephone skills talking to people all day with little paperwork to do.
b. publications department working ALONE reading about new information in your area of interest.
37. If you were promised the same salary and job security, you'd prefer to spend the next four decades
a. dealing with details and your common sense instead of your imagination to fix what's broken on the job or be of service to people who need your help. You'd enjoy customer service, or checking, locating, or troubleshooting details for accuracy.
b. as an investigative journalist and suspense novelist who writes about the connections and interrelatedness between competing entertainment corporations. You use imagination to absorb global impressions or create new ideas.
38. You pick your mate or date by
a. making judgments based on past experience.
b. making decisions based on gut-level guessing.
39. The type of people you wish you could be more like are
a. able to stay calm and objective when others panic.
b. able to walk ten miles in your shoes.
40. If you could pick a mate most like yourself, that person would
a. welcome challenge, rebuttal, and confrontation, sacrificing harmony for clarity.
b. prefer harmony, even at the sake of sacrificing clarity to avoid conflict.
41. You would prefer a mate who
a. wants everything orderly and in its place--always.
b. Doesn't plan to have a place for everything, because the adaptive person with messy closets and desks you are planning to marry would rather wait and see what living with you demands at different times.
42. You're hired to interview blind dates in order to pick one to escort you on the world cruise for two you just won. Each applicant gets a half-hour interview. You now have only ten minutes to choose the winner. You'd prefer each applicant to
a. come only at the scheduled time of the interview.
b. walk in off the street when they felt like it and surprise you with their impressive credentials.
43. In a home-based business you'd prefer to
a. run your own public relations, advertising, sales, and marketing agency for authors, doctors or lawyers.
b. index the back of books and periodicals for doctors, lawyers, publishers, and library databases behind closed doors, where you'd work alone, with no close supervision and no phone calls or interruptions.
44. You find the future
a. best put off until it comes because it's too scary.
b. full of exciting possibilities for your imagination.
45. In your school classes you enjoyed best the courses which emphasized
a. hands-on practical skills leading to a comfortable job in the real world as quickly as possible.
b. theory about the futuristic possibilities your mate might be capable of once microchips were enmeshed with human DNA molecules to form neural networks.
46. All appliances/machines/electric power/phones break down at the same time. Your first impulse
would be to
a. keep things in perspective and push for precision and clarity when directing others to fix what's broken.
b. try to understand how human error impacts the people affected by the power meltdown.
47.In a marriage, you'd rather
a. solve analytical problems and increase efficiency.
b. express your creativity by sharing communication or service with a smile.
48. You must choose your mate from among three suitable friends you've been dating for more than two years. Each gave you a deadline day, and an ultimatum to make your decision. You'd rather
a. keep your decision goal-oriented and reach a closure as soon as possible for relief.
b. stay open-ended without goals because new information may come in before deadline.
49.As a newly hired writer with a B.A. in English, you're asked to manage the technical writing department. You never worked before and no nothing about technical writing. It's your first day at work. You would like to
a. hurry permanent decisions, turn solutions into action, and implement communications right into the word processing department.
b. keep the staff from going with the first decision, keep offering better solutions, and hold communications until you've cleared it with the technical illustration department--before turning the current iteration over to the word processing department.
50. You just graduated from college. Two employers are eager to hire you. Each offer equal benefits.
a. use your natural, terrific public speaking skills to train MANY PEOPLE--employees and students in how to act a certain way at work to win friends and influence people, or how to do a certain job.
You'd love to do lots of demonstrations and give great presentations for people. You think or communicate best on your feet.
b. organize records for a healthcare management firm monitoring production runs and performing backups of corporate data working ALONE. Or illustrate magazine articles and children's books, working ALONE for the communications and publications department.
51. You prefer to work side by side with your mate at home in a hobby you love that deals mainly with
a. using practical, real, tangible, specific, common sense, hands-on troubleshooting skills based on practice, usefulness, and experience.
b. using your imagination and forecasting trends to show others how to find hidden escape routes, back doors, advantages, alternatives, theories, and new ways of doing things.
52. If you were a salesperson, you'd rather sell
a. TANGIBLE PRODUCTS, like fashions, appliances, computers, modems, and peripherals, financial database software to accounting firms, or medical records technology and transcription software to hospitals.
b. IDEAS, like advertising, public relations, public speaking, logos, desktop video productions, technical writing, event planning, neural networks and fuzzy logic, artificial intelligence solutions, trend forecasting, interactive fiction, presentation graphics productions, and virtual reality games.
53. You're retired and contemplating marriage again to find happiness for the final third of your lifespan. Your dates are most likely to call you
a. a tough-skinned, hard-headed date who clawed your way to the top by your achievements, power. intelligence, persistence, and education.
b. an empathic, persuasive self-made date who always put first--above your own greed, your friend's need. You live by your personal values and your own gut-reactions about people and situations.
54. You're asked to give a presentation to people with the same hobby as yours at a fun-filled, leisurely convention not connected to your job. You'd prefer to
a. convince the audience by logical analysis to clarify definitions, facts, or trends.
b. persuade the people by communicating to their values, sentiment, and identity with a stirring videotape or film.
55. When searching for a mate, you
a. grab the first date you find so fast that you're disappointed later.
b. switch relationships or dates as frequently as you switched majors in college or tech school.
56. You want a good marriage partner who is
a. reliable, stable, serious, secure, unchanging, controllable, orderly, routine, familiar, scheduled,
methodical, organized, and dependable.
b. flexible, adaptable, leisurely, playful, fun, spontaneous, changeable, open-ended, and creative.
57. At your deepest level, lots of people contact activity after work or on vacation makes you feel
a. energized and eager to talk and share your life experiences. Your phone and door are kept open for the sounds of people networking.
b. sick, drained, exhausted, anxious, hypertense, and bored by a continuous, crushing crowd on whom you wish you could close your door when you want some recreation and peace of mind after work or on weekends and vacations. You disconnect your phone.
58. If you learned how to design your own parlor game to entertain your date, you would
a. produce a new product that will appreciate in value over the years, even when the board game becomes outdated. You'd patent the new product and save the profits in your retirement plan.
b. have some fun teaching kids how to use it and then donating the game to an imagination- stretching camp high in the mountains. Afterwards, you enjoy a vacation as a guest of the camp.
59. You have a choice of two conferences to attend during the holiday season. You're lonely and single. Neither conference is related to your present job. You'd rather attend a. a conference on improving your practical skills which will allow you to pass a qualifying exam for a more secure job at a higher salary.
b. a conference on military abductions, advertising evidence presented by a distinguished military general, a Nobel-prize winning physicist, an Ivy-League university professor of psychiatry, and three security guards who witnessed autopsies on space aliens at a secret military testing site's underground base.
60. When you criticize your date, mate, or yourself, you're more apt to see
a. the errors of clarity and organization and how the person or his/her attitudes can be improved or made more efficient. You want to critique and analyze it, or see how and where the person's actions went wrong. You welcome challenge and rebuttal. You want a mate who makes objective and impersonal decisions.
b. the way he or she motivates, inspires, excites, and persuades you to understand his or her feelings, personal values, likes and dislikes, choices, and attitudes by his or her smooth- talking style. You praise your mate or date for using propaganda in the home for meeting your needs for simplicity and harmony.
61. You're hired to train the co-workers on your team and to mentor beginning students in your field of interest. You let the students know that
a. you're more interested in the subject than in the student's personal problems, learning needs, or motivation.
b. you're more interested in the student's personal needs and motivation, inspiration, growth than you are in the subject.
62. You'd rather enter a marriage
a. where every minute of your day is PLANNED and SCHEDULED, and you use a day planner or make a list of what you'll do each day, including weekends and vacations. You wouldn't mind if your mate assigned you specific chores to do around the house, and you'd give your children chores to do around the house. You believe idle hands get into trouble, and the day is wasted if you don't get some work done. You don't mind following another person's rules to the letter.
b. where you have many hours of FREE TIME to see what leisurely and SPONTANEOUS activities
can be fun-filled or full of your creative expressions. Heaven help the mate who crushes your autonomy at home or asks you to work at something that doesn't interest you. Work at home or outside should be playful.
63. On weekends you
a. make a list of every chore that needs to be finished and every item you have to buy. You'll visit stores only when you need to buy a specific product on your list.
b. let whatever happens spontaneously take over the day depending upon your energy level, who calls, or what movie is playing. You dread working on your free time, and prefer to see what fun happens as the weekend progresses. You'd rather browse.
64 On your resume you would be certain to emphasize
a. your interest in giving presentations, speeches, or talks on your area of interest or experience.
b. your preference for communicating via the written word in memos to co-workers and as little face-to-face talking as possible.
65. You'd rather take those thick, dry, dull books catching dust on university library shelves and
a. review them for a practical, how-to, hands-on magazine.
b. turn them into spectacular 60-minute multimedia instructional videos for beginners.
66. You'd rather repair
a. machines in buildings.
b. attitudes of people.
67.You want to duck out the door and take a break when
a. your date or mate cries openly.
b. you say something negative that you really mean.
68. You're a healthy, energetic age 57 and forced to retire against your wishes to continue having fun in your occupation. You wish you and your same-age mate could
a. analyze, challenge, and confront ageism with the truth.
b. deny that ageism exists in your specialty and convey optimism, energy, and enthusiasm by affirming your desire to offer service for pay.
69. To propose marriage, you need most
a. an agenda with handouts and flow charts.
b. room to move in all directions by self-pacing, a chance to change the agenda, and diverge from the original plan.
70. In a marriage, you'd rather have
a. intuition, faith, imagination, fantasy, and compassion as the best quality attitudes you can show for your mate and family. Imagination and intuition are more important than reason. Your senses could be deceived. Imagination offers comfort in greener pastures. You want to be proud of yourself, even though no one else ever notices. (You may secretly keep records in a log-book or keep a locked diary.) You'd rather be loved than right. And you know what you see isn't real. You feel there is a hidden reality beyond the senses that reason is not yet evolved enough to track and record.
b. self-determination, reason, rebellion, reality, and skepticism in the face of disagreement by the majority in your community or family. You'd rather be right in your own mind than win in the eyes of others. You believe others want to be deceived if the deception offers comfort and reward. You know what you see isn't always real. You prefer working or living at the front lines so you will know everything isn't always wonderful.
71. You're always willing to
a. share personal experiences by talking and expressing your opinions; volunteering to work on committees and attend meetings, functions, office parties or after-work cultural or sports events, and speak on panels at conferences.
b. write an inner personal journal. Research, reflect, meditate, and blow the whistle-- especially when a co-worker or mate interrupts you in mid-paragraph. You'd not hesitate to write a published book about your mate.
72. On a date, the first things you would tell a new friend and possible prospective mate are
a. only those realistic, practical, useful, routine, hands-on skills or experience that specifically fulfill the requirements of the job description. You'd hand your date your resume.
b. express yourself by abilities or examples of creativity. Convince the date or partner to consider possibilities which don't yet exist in the present, to accommodate your ideas. You'd even propose on the first date.
73. Your employer is giving you an "employee of the month" award. You'd prefer the prize to be
a. a win/lose award for beating out the rival firms.
b. a psychology book on "why women see competition as loss of self."
74. You spend too much time
a. rigidly impatient with relationships and making lists and prenuptial contracts in order to arrive at a quicker decision about who will become your partner or mate--or about whether you chose the right person for an important relationship because changes are upsetting.
b. gathering endless information about other people, but not making any commitments or final decisions about a relationship, hoping new information (or a better prospect) comes your way. You believe that time changes prenuptial contracts anyway. So why be so final?